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*LaColombeDeDeuil

Angel Of Romance is only a dream
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An Update for All I love

Journal Entry: Mon Nov 2, 2009, 10:16 AM
:blackrose:Seek for me not where the wild flowers grow,
Find me now where dried flowers lie against cold stone
Where the weeds have by thistle choked out the daisy's bright
Casting then upon the ground the most obscuring shadowing of night.
Linger with me in meadows of death's fragrance, find in me the intonation of a voice controlled by grief
No longer does the music of life, love, gaiety and promise play in unheard wondrous relief
But there is now being played on a harp the chords major of a A Vengeance Song urging
As the new theme music of that belonging to an Angel of the Shadows, once more of light, now

Becomes Once More a Stranger To Passion and True Love Forever Merged:blackrose:

:blackrose::blackrose: November 2, 2009 :blackrose::blackrose:

First and foremost I wish to thank all of you on DA for your kind thoughts and wishes as I struggle through what is turning into the fight of my life. I seem not to be able to go outside of my house without seeing this less than human Officer of the Lawless. He takes great pleasure in sitting across the street in a church parking lot and watching my house now. I suppose that is why the last evening I, while working on the ballet bar with a coach as I have begun to do, and yes it is painful, I slipped and pulled a muscle in my back. This has now caused me to return to my bed and rest till the shaking stops and then I can resume. NO! HE is not beating me! You all with your gifts, and kind thoughts and support gave me the courage to go to the Town Council meeting a week ago and face him. And at the next town council meeting I will be officially serving him, the Police Department, the Mayor who allows him to continue in his position and The City of Bertram itself. This must be done before the actual official suits can transpire. This is not easy for me but I feel it is MY duty, for even though I dance, I dance through pain even at my top form for I am disabled by a former husband. I fought through abuse once, and I shall fight through this as well, not for myself and the gain that may come from it, it is for all the disabled in America and around the world that I am fighting now. I WANT the officials to know that they CANNOT come into our homes and abuse us! I WANT City, Metropolitan, and State and even our Federal Government to know that YES there is protection for us and I mean to highlight it anyway that I can. IF this means writing about it daily in editorials around the country here so be it, but I cannot help to think how lucky I am and how there are those more unfortunate than I that have no one to fight for them so I WILL! No matter the fear, no matter the pain, no matter the effort that it takes, no matter that I might have to walk into council meetings with a brace on one leg, no matter if I have to go to them at the moment along with that and a cane, NONE of that matters! What does matter is that this stops and it stops now! Not for my sake, but for the sake of the blind little girl that wants to dance, for the sake of the disabled little boy that wants a shot at playing a sport, sure the American Disabilities Act was passed and recently annexed in July of 2008, but as you can see by what plainly happened to me that means nothing to most. But it will!!!! And it is because for you, you who have helped me so much that I will fight! I will fight to dance again just so I can stand up and tell the how and why I can! I will stand up and fight for the others because most of all it is the right and just path to walk and it is a path that is oh so dear to my heart. So thank you all - thank you Margod, thank you Mike, you are not only enabling me to help myself, you are enabling me to help and fight for all the others being trampled on against all that they should know is not just for them. I will educate - I will dance and I will not let this man, who for me has become the Poster Man like Freddy Kruger for my fight against unjust assault upon those in this country and around the world that are disabled.

Is my fight over with my dancing goal? No it has only just begun. But the love you expressed and continue to express is enabling me to fight on for others and lastly for myself.

Thank you so much with all my heart, soul and spirit.

Always,
Katarina
:blackrose::blackrose::blackrose:

:blackrose:"Walk daily as if it is the last day of your life, for we cannot discern what forces may color the sand that slips through the narrow path of the Glass of Hours Of Mistress Time. Will it be the almost pure white of a moment more promised, or will it be the blood red stain of life's precious flow set to be put into motion to ebb out of us? Who knows what steps either by foot placed, word, thought or deed will be the straw that causes the beat of the soul to shout out, 'I Give.":blackrose:
  • Mood: Distressed
  • Listening to: The rain falling on the metal roof
  • Reading: Whatever Moves Me
  • Watching: The Shadow move through this House
  • Playing: At Nothing
  • Eating: Finally Chocolate ice Cream and many other things
  • Drinking: Good Juices
Skin by =00alisa00 (modified by *LaColombeDeDeuil)

To My Friends and Watchers and Those I love

Journal Entry: Sat Oct 24, 2009, 11:39 AM
:blackrose:Seek for me not where the wild flowers grow,
Find me now where dried flowers lie against cold stone
Where the weeds have by thistle choked out the daisy's bright
Casting then upon the ground the most obscuring shadowing of night.
Linger with me in meadows of death's fragrance, find in me the intonation of a voice controlled by grief
No longer does the music of life, love, gaiety and promise play in unheard wondrous relief
But there is now being played on a harp the chords major of a A Vengeance Song urging
As the new theme music of that belonging to an Angel of the Shadows, once more of light, now

Becomes Once More a Stranger To Passion and True Love Forever Merged:blackrose:

:blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose:

October 12, 2009

It is right now about 6:00 pm here in Texas and I am about to return to the room in where I live now. I am in a state of total collapse since what happened to me at the beginning of September of this year. There are those of you that know and those of you that do not. I am living in a state of fear, and the only peace I have is when I sleep or when I can go for a few days out of town with a lot of help. I am - thanks to this Chief of Police here in Texas in this little sleepy town near where this house is - living in my bed. It is not my Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that is so bad as much as it is the memory of that day, and the abomination that occurred on it. Oh there are legal proceedings that shall arise out of it but that will not give me back what he has stolen from me. It is amazing how the selfish and maniacal workings of one mind can cause so many people so much grief. And he has. So I am now a member of the ranks of those that he has bruised and I lean on own belief that one day fate will have it all come around. And it will for that is the way of life, it eventually catches up with you, and you are confronted with all the hurt you have caused to others.

So I am out of pocket for a little while longer even though I am writing and long to work at the manipulations I have started and live in the folder on my computer waiting for me to bring them completely to finish. And I cry and I contemplate, and I love and I hate, I struggle and I dream, and I have nightmares and I awake to the realization that why I am in my bedroom constantly and stuck in my bed is the result of another. And I long to be free to write and be with those I love, but I cannot for the pain physically to sit for any length of time is too much and I have to leave the chair to rest once more.

Bless you all and may you all have a wonderful week. Be strong always in the way you should go and do not let anyone
ever take away your dreams. I miss you all. I really do.

love,
katti
:blackrose::blackrose::blackrose:




:blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose:


:blackrose:OCTOBER 24, 2009:blackrose:

It has been but 12 days since I wrote this first part of this journal. It is time to let you all know how much I love you and how the gifts you send me are helping me work through this horror. It is also time to let the full story out and to do that I ask you to read the links that I provide.

:blackrose: [link]

:blackrose: [link] - contains three articles

:blackrose: [link]

:blackrose: [link]

This man has made me by an assault on my person so hurt physically I cannot dance but I will not let him take that away from me. This man has taken away my liberty. He lives two miles from this house. I am afraid to go out. He came in uninvited and hos first words were asking if this was one of the houses one of the seven citizens filing seven federal lawsuits owned and then he said he recognized the address. After that all hell for me broke loose. He came into my bedroom, where I lay in lingerie to rest and watch a movie. He put his hands on me and did so so hard he removed part of the lingerie. He did so without a female present and without a warrant. He has, the three times I dared to leave, found me in Bertram and just sat in his police car and stared at me. I am scared, but I will win. He took my service dogs and roughly handled them, threatening to throw them into a bedroom behind a door, They were merely doing their jobs and defending me from someone they knew meant me harm. And trust me they can too. He has told others he will take them out. I say let him try with me, he will find me ready for the fight. But still I am afraid.

YET - I am now for the past two days dancing on the ballet bar for 30 minutes a day with a retired prima as a coach.
YET - I am now through tears that flow so fast, bending my body he injured and making it do my will not his.
YET - I am pushing on though it will take time I know, but come hell or high water, I shall dance the season in 2010
even if it is just the Spring one.
YET - His day of reckoning is coming. I am not mad, I am righteously angry.

I hope this changes no opinions of any of you that I hold so dear, all of you that I watch and count as friends. For this angel may be down but she is far from out and I shall be rising on wings of glory to leap on toe once again.

love
Katarina
:blackrose::blackrose::blackrose:

:blackrose:"Walk daily as if it is the last day of your life, for we cannot discern what forces may color the sand that slips through the narrow path of the Glass of Hours Of Mistress Time. Will it be the almost pure white of a moment more promised, or will it be the blood red stain of life's precious flow set to be put into motion to ebb out of us? Who knows what steps either by foot placed, word, thought or deed will be the straw that causes the beat of the soul to shout out, 'I Give.":blackrose:
  • Mood: Distressed
  • Listening to: The rain falling on the metal roof
  • Reading: Whatever Moves Me
  • Watching: The Shadow move through this House
  • Playing: At Nothing
  • Eating: Finally Chocolate ice Cream and many other things
  • Drinking: Good Juices
Skin by =00alisa00 (modified by *LaColombeDeDeuil)

To a Dancer That Was One of My Idols

Journal Entry: Sat Sep 19, 2009, 12:21 PM
:blackrose:Seek for me not where the wild flowers grow,
Find me now where dried flowers lie against cold stone
Where the weeds have by thistle choked out the daisy's bright
Casting then upon the ground the most obscuring shadowing of night.
Linger with me in meadows of death's fragrance, find in me the intonation of a voice controlled by grief
No longer does the music of life, love, gaiety and promise play in unheard wondrous relief
But there is now being played on a harp the chords major of a A Vengeance Song urging
As the new theme music of that belonging to an Angel of the Shadows, once more of light, now

Becomes Once More a Stranger To Passion and True Love Forever Merged
:blackrose:
:blackrose:

[link] The Words and Song are His - He was The Wind
He still is - and blows through all dancers
That is how I do what I do
Like On the Deviant ID
Through Pain - I Dance!
With his Wind!
[link] To Patrick Swayze - Dance On Angel!
Another Version worth the time!

[link] OH we shall miss him in our world!
dance on , sing on, and one by one
those of us that besides ballet
dance swing, will eventually be
there - to honor you with
our fight!
[link] Bend me, make me, take me, teach me who I am
Shake me, feel me, with your hands reach me


[link] Then take me into the world of your
magic, so I can drown in your eyes
so dark, so deep, come on baby
dance with me like she
was here!
:blackrose: FOR VIC - [link]

:blackrose: For you baby Ricci and I will always swing to this song. I love you my sister.
:blackrose:Take Salsa and Swing to Heaven and wait for us!
:blackrose: We are about to start for the Spring Show!
:blackrose: For you our love - we miss you!:blackrose:
:blackrose: How could we not start with this song!:blackrose:

:blackrose::blackrose::blackrose:

[link]
[link]
:blackrose: I just had to add this from "FlashDance" cause it was filmed all in Pittsburgh, PA

:blackrose:Where our troupe is from and me too! It is an incredible city!:blackrose:

love,
katti:blackrose:
Credit to Espitito:

Frightened by a dream, you're not the only one
Running like the wind, thoughts can come undone
Dancing behind masks, just sort of pantomime
But images reveal whatever lonely hearts can hide

Lady, lady, lady, lady, don't walk this lonely avenue
Lady, lady, lady, lady, let me touch that part of you, you want me to

Lady, lady, lady, lady, I know it's in your heart to stay
Lady, lady, lady, lady, when will I ever hear you say, I love you

Time like silent stares, with no apology
Move towards the stars, and be my only one
Reach into the light, and feel love's gravity
That pulls you to my side, where you should always be

Lady, lady, lady, lady, don't walk this lonely avenue
Lady, lady, lady, lady, let me touch that part of you, you want me to


Lady, lady, lady, lady, I know it's in your heart to stay
Lady, lady, lady, lady... [to fade] :blackrose:

:blackrose:
:blackrose:
:blackrose:

"Fanny, what if we walk into a saloon and see you hanging on the wall!"
"I doubt seriously I would ever get that drunk!"
Qoute from Mr. Skeffington - Bette Davis, Claude Rains, - quote from one of her admirers to her character

:blackrose:
:blackrose:
:blackrose:

:iconfangbangers-of-da: :iconrealm-of-fantasy: :iconceltic-dreaming:

:blackrose:"Walk daily as if it is the last day of your life, for we cannot discern what forces may color the sand that slips through the narrow path of the Glass of Hours Of Mistress Time. Will it be the almost pure white of a moment more promised, or will it be the blood red stain of life's precious flow set to be put into motion to ebb out of us? Who knows what steps either by foot placed, word, thought or deed will be the straw that causes the beat of the soul to shout out, 'I Give."
:blackrose:
:blackrose:
:blackrose:
  • Mood: Joy
  • Listening to: Shawn Mullins,Michael McDonald, Kenny G, Jazz
  • Reading: Whatever Moves Me
  • Watching: The Shadow move through this House
  • Playing: Riding Jewelize everyday with the dogs
  • Eating: Finally Chocolate ice Cream and many other things
  • Drinking: Bushmills, Ambrosia, Rolling Rock

Fighting Back! Don't Read It If Life Upsets You

Journal Entry: Wed Sep 16, 2009, 7:34 AM


A SMALL LITTLE FEATURE




:blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose:
Seek for me not where the wild flowers grow,
Find me now where dried flowers lie against cold stone
Where the weeds have by thistle choked out the daisy's bright
Casting then upon the ground the most obscuring shadowing of night.
Linger with me in meadows of death's fragrance, find in me the intonation of a voice controlled by grief
No longer does the music of life, love, gaiety and promise play in unheard wondrous relief
But there is now being played on a harp the chords major of a A Vengeance Song urging
As the new theme music of that belonging to an Angel of the Shadows, once more of light, now

Becomes Once More a Stranger To Passion and True Love Forever Merged

September 11, 2009:blackrose:

What are you doing this day? I am doing the same thing I did when 9/11 was born. I am sitting here with Manny, watching again Nine and a Half Weeks, like we did that fateful day. Manny is a full Apache who has come to protect me in my current circumstances. When I got up to dance to the music it was so natural with him here. He is a medicine man and that is all I am permitted to say. We have sung the Song of the Four Winds using the candles, and now I have peace. We are connected. I met him when I was in Tucson, and from the moment I met him we knew that Nine and a Half Weeks was our movie. But we are not lovers, we are spiritual healers. This is his favorite part for me to dance to [link] and this is mine.[link] , hee hee. It is why when we go dancing since he has been here he never lets me have tequila anywhere there is a pole! Bless America and all the citizens, especially those of the Great Spirit, my religion.

:blackrose:September 16, 2009:blackrose:

I love you all that watch me and are my friends. It has finally hit me the magnitude of what has happened. I have written out what Manny is now trying to pull me through. Those of you that now me and my history of my life at men's hands will understand more fully.Bless you all and those that pray in whatever way you do please do - I am sliding far from the edge I climbed over once as I watched my son burn. It is all back - if there is a Heaven, I pray it helps me.

love,
katti
:blackrose:

:blackrose:"Walk daily as if it is the last day of your life, for we cannot discern what forces may color the sand that slips through the narrow path of the Glass of Hours Of Mistress Time. Will it be the almost pure white of a moment more promised, or will it be the blood red stain of life's precious flow set to be put into motion to ebb out of us? Who knows what steps either by foot placed, word, thought or deed will be the straw that causes the beat of the soul to shout out, 'I Give.":blackrose:
  • Mood: Amused
  • Listening to: Heart, Bob Seeger, Bauhaus, Sade, Luther, Stevie
  • Reading: Whatever Moves Me
  • Watching: The Shadow move through this House
  • Playing: Riding Jewelize everyday with the dogs
  • Eating: Finally Chocolate ice Cream and many other things
  • Drinking: Bushmills, Ambrosia, Rolling Rock

HAIL AMERICA ! Remember December 7th and 9/11.

Journal Entry: Fri Sep 11, 2009, 4:11 AM


A SMALL LITTLE FEATURE




:blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose::blackrose:
Seek for me not where the wild flowers grow,
Find me now where dried flowers lie against cold stone
Where the weeds have by thistle choked out the daisy's bright
Casting then upon the ground the most obscuring shadowing of night.
Linger with me in meadows of death's fragrance, find in me the intonation of a voice controlled by grief
No longer does the music of life, love, gaiety and promise play in unheard wondrous relief
But there is now being played on a harp the chords major of a A Vengeance Song urging
As the new theme music of that belonging to an Angel of the Shadows, once more of light, now

Becomes Once More a Stranger To Passion and True Love Forever Merged

:blackrose::blackrose::blackrose: Hail Those That Gave Their Lives and Those That Fought
to Find the Survivors. Never forget December 7th, 1941
or 9/11/2001 ! Stand Up AMERICA and salute those that
fight to keep us free! :blackrose::blackrose::blackrose:

THE STEELERS WON! IN CASE YOU DID NOT GET THAT THE STEELERS WON!
THINK I WILL WEAR MY STEELERS JACKET TODAY WHILE
FILING A PROTECTIVE ORDER AGAINST A POLICE CHIEF
OF TEXAS! DID NOT THE COWBOYS LOOSE
THEIR FIRST GAME? OH BOO HOO!

(and if any of my friends are Cowboys fans PLEASE understand this anger goes towards the
{Chief of Police that violated me in many ways.)

:blackrose::blackrose::blackrose:
Not only can she write but she is one heck of an artist!
:iconvisualpoetress:


September 10, 2009

[link]

Here it is. I have talked to the attorney and I am spreading this as far as I can. This is only a fraction of what he has done. What he did to me split me in two almost literally in a way I will not go into. Read it. Read it well. Write to the papers and tell them he is a jerk. he does not belong in law enforcement let alone carrying a gun.
He has a lock of my hair. He will regret that very soon. Very soon. This Immortal Panther is rising to fight. Come on - come to my door once more - my dogs and I are waiting. Now I hope you all understand. It involves rape, and things worse than that.
Well I am back. Thanks to Mike and Andre and Celeste, I can feel you. Watch your step.
The law is black and wrong is white.

love to all of you!
katti



Sept. 10, 2009


PLEASE FORGIVE ME!

I am trying to get to your messages as best as I can. I am totally exhausted though I am dancing again trying to make part of the Winter tour and the Spring definitely. I do not know where the strength is coming from.PLEASE bear with me as I grind through the recovery of the violation of my life. To lose Greg was one thing, to find out how now is so much larger.

I am in motion
I am blue
Love is an ocean
I am anchored in you
And I am a dreamer
So you sent me away
Sometimes we dreamers get in the way
But I always known
Since i was a child
That the world is my home
And my spirit is wild
And I have my memories
And I have got lots of time
And I am stoned in San Fransisco
With you on my mind.
I have my memories
I got lots of time
And I am stoned in San Francisco
With you on my mind
I am in motion
And love is an ocean
And I am anchored in you.

written by Shawn Mullins for me

Miscellaneous
Lullaby

she grew up with
the children of the stars
in the hollywood hills and the boulevard
her parents threw big parties
everyone was there
they hung out with folks like
dennis hopper, bob seeger, sonny and cher

now, she feels safe
in this bar on fairfax
and from the stage I can tell that
she can't let go and she can't relax
and just before
she hangs her head to cry
I sing to her a lullaby, I sing

everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
rockabye

she still lives with her mom
outside the city
down that street about a half a mile
and all her friends tell her
she's so pretty
but she'd be a whole lot prettier
if she smiled once in a while
`cause even her smile
looks like a frown
she's seen her share of devils
in this angel town

But, everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
rockabye

I told her I ain't so sure
about this place
it's hard to play a gig in this town
and keep a straight face
seems like everyone here's got a plan
it's kind of like nashville with a tan, but,

everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye

everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye,rockabye, bye, bye
bye, bye

I believe him, he wrote these for me. I met him in a bar where he was playing and he wrote these for me. What a gift.!

Shawn Mullins

:blackrose:"Walk daily as if it is the last day of your life, for we cannot discern what forces may color the sand that slips through the narrow path of the Glass of Hours Of Mistress Time. Will it be the almost pure white of a moment more promised, or will it be the blood red stain of life's precious flow set to be put into motion to ebb out of us? Who knows what steps either by foot placed, word, thought or deed will be the straw that causes the beat of the soul to shout out, 'I Give.":blackrose:
  • Mood: Big Grin
  • Listening to: Heart, Bob Seeger, Bauhaus, Sade, Luther
  • Reading: Book on Civil Rights
  • Watching: The Shadow move through this House
  • Playing: Riding Jewelize everyday with the dogs
  • Eating: Finally
  • Drinking: Corona, Bushmills chaser

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Shoutbox

*JocelyneR:iconJocelyneR:
:heart:
Mon Oct 19, 2009, 12:48 PM
=hermaphroditos:iconhermaphroditos:
I miss you so...
Mon Oct 12, 2009, 4:45 AM
*wizillusions:iconwizillusions:
the angel of romance is only a dream...then let me sleep forevermore so that she shall live forever...:hug: :blowkiss:
Sun Oct 4, 2009, 5:58 PM
*creativemikey:iconcreativemikey:
Know that you are:love:ed
Fri Sep 11, 2009, 10:57 PM
*LaColombeDeDeuil:iconLaColombeDeDeuil:
:blackrose: I am screaming now - it has finally hit me:blackrose:
Thu Sep 10, 2009, 7:55 AM
*LaColombeDeDeuil:iconLaColombeDeDeuil:
:blackrose:Perhaps what you missed my Beloved Immortal, is he was only me husband till a drunk driver killed him several weeks ago. If you mus depart do so and know that you go with a piece of my heart always.
Mon Sep 7, 2009, 11:36 AM
~BelovedImmortal:iconBelovedImmortal:
I must say Goodbye. Unfortubately Immortal is not so real afterall. Congrats on the Marriage. He's a lucky guy and I hope to see you with all the Angels and God.
Sat Sep 5, 2009, 4:47 PM
~BelovedImmortal:iconBelovedImmortal:
The amazing becomes Perfection
Sat Sep 5, 2009, 4:41 PM
*wizillusions:iconwizillusions:
Hello cowgirl in the sand Is this place At your command Can I stay here For a while Can I see your Sweet sweet smile
Wed Sep 2, 2009, 6:02 PM
*creativemikey:iconcreativemikey:
:hug:s you so close!
Sun Aug 23, 2009, 10:41 AM

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