Seek for me not where the wild flowers grow,
Find me now where dried flowers lie against cold stone
Where the weeds have by thistle choked out the daisy's bright
Casting then upon the ground the most obscuring shadowing of night.
Linger with me in meadows of death's fragrance, find in me the intonation of a voice controlled by grief
No longer does the music of life, love, gaiety and promise play in unheard wondrous relief
But there is now being played on a harp the chords major of a A Vengeance Song urging
As the new theme music of that belonging to an Angel of the Shadows, once more of light, now

Becomes Once More a Stranger To Passion and True Love Forever Merged

November 2, 2009

First and foremost I wish to thank all of you on DA for your kind thoughts and wishes as I struggle through what is turning into the fight of my life. I seem not to be able to go outside of my house without seeing this less than human Officer of the Lawless. He takes great pleasure in sitting across the street in a church parking lot and watching my house now. I suppose that is why the last evening I, while working on the ballet bar with a coach as I have begun to do, and yes it is painful, I slipped and pulled a muscle in my back. This has now caused me to return to my bed and rest till the shaking stops and then I can resume. NO! HE is not beating me! You all with your gifts, and kind thoughts and support gave me the courage to go to the Town Council meeting a week ago and face him. And at the next town council meeting I will be officially serving him, the Police Department, the Mayor who allows him to continue in his position and The City of Bertram itself. This must be done before the actual official suits can transpire. This is not easy for me but I feel it is MY duty, for even though I dance, I dance through pain even at my top form for I am disabled by a former husband. I fought through abuse once, and I shall fight through this as well, not for myself and the gain that may come from it, it is for all the disabled in America and around the world that I am fighting now. I WANT the officials to know that they CANNOT come into our homes and abuse us! I WANT City, Metropolitan, and State and even our Federal Government to know that YES there is protection for us and I mean to highlight it anyway that I can. IF this means writing about it daily in editorials around the country here so be it, but I cannot help to think how lucky I am and how there are those more unfortunate than I that have no one to fight for them so I WILL! No matter the fear, no matter the pain, no matter the effort that it takes, no matter that I might have to walk into council meetings with a brace on one leg, no matter if I have to go to them at the moment along with that and a cane, NONE of that matters! What does matter is that this stops and it stops now! Not for my sake, but for the sake of the blind little girl that wants to dance, for the sake of the disabled little boy that wants a shot at playing a sport, sure the American Disabilities Act was passed and recently annexed in July of 2008, but as you can see by what plainly happened to me that means nothing to most. But it will!!!! And it is because for you, you who have helped me so much that I will fight! I will fight to dance again just so I can stand up and tell the how and why I can! I will stand up and fight for the others because most of all it is the right and just path to walk and it is a path that is oh so dear to my heart. So thank you all - thank you Margod, thank you Mike, you are not only enabling me to help myself, you are enabling me to help and fight for all the others being trampled on against all that they should know is not just for them. I will educate - I will dance and I will not let this man, who for me has become the Poster Man like Freddy Kruger for my fight against unjust assault upon those in this country and around the world that are disabled.

Is my fight over with my dancing goal? No it has only just begun. But the love you expressed and continue to express is enabling me to fight on for others and lastly for myself.

Thank you so much with all my heart, soul and spirit.

Always,
Katarina


"Walk daily as if it is the last day of your life, for we cannot discern what forces may color the sand that slips through the narrow path of the Glass of Hours Of Mistress Time. Will it be the almost pure white of a moment more promised, or will it be the blood red stain of life's precious flow set to be put into motion to ebb out of us? Who knows what steps either by foot placed, word, thought or deed will be the straw that causes the beat of the soul to shout out, 'I Give."

Seek for me not where the wild flowers grow,
Find me now where dried flowers lie against cold stone
Where the weeds have by thistle choked out the daisy's bright
Casting then upon the ground the most obscuring shadowing of night.
Linger with me in meadows of death's fragrance, find in me the intonation of a voice controlled by grief
No longer does the music of life, love, gaiety and promise play in unheard wondrous relief
But there is now being played on a harp the chords major of a A Vengeance Song urging
As the new theme music of that belonging to an Angel of the Shadows, once more of light, now

Becomes Once More a Stranger To Passion and True Love Forever Merged



October 12, 2009

It is right now about 6:00 pm here in Texas and I am about to return to the room in where I live now. I am in a state of total collapse since what happened to me at the beginning of September of this year. There are those of you that know and those of you that do not. I am living in a state of fear, and the only peace I have is when I sleep or when I can go for a few days out of town with a lot of help. I am - thanks to this Chief of Police here in Texas in this little sleepy town near where this house is - living in my bed. It is not my Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that is so bad as much as it is the memory of that day, and the abomination that occurred on it. Oh there are legal proceedings that shall arise out of it but that will not give me back what he has stolen from me. It is amazing how the selfish and maniacal workings of one mind can cause so many people so much grief. And he has. So I am now a member of the ranks of those that he has bruised and I lean on own belief that one day fate will have it all come around. And it will for that is the way of life, it eventually catches up with you, and you are confronted with all the hurt you have caused to others.

So I am out of pocket for a little while longer even though I am writing and long to work at the manipulations I have started and live in the folder on my computer waiting for me to bring them completely to finish. And I cry and I contemplate, and I love and I hate, I struggle and I dream, and I have nightmares and I awake to the realization that why I am in my bedroom constantly and stuck in my bed is the result of another. And I long to be free to write and be with those I love, but I cannot for the pain physically to sit for any length of time is too much and I have to leave the chair to rest once more.

Bless you all and may you all have a wonderful week. Be strong always in the way you should go and do not let anyone
ever take away your dreams. I miss you all. I really do.

love,
katti








OCTOBER 24, 2009

It has been but 12 days since I wrote this first part of this journal. It is time to let you all know how much I love you and how the gifts you send me are helping me work through this horror. It is also time to let the full story out and to do that I ask you to read the links that I provide.

[link]

[link] - contains three articles

[link]

[link]

This man has made me by an assault on my person so hurt physically I cannot dance but I will not let him take that away from me. This man has taken away my liberty. He lives two miles from this house. I am afraid to go out. He came in uninvited and hos first words were asking if this was one of the houses one of the seven citizens filing seven federal lawsuits owned and then he said he recognized the address. After that all hell for me broke loose. He came into my bedroom, where I lay in lingerie to rest and watch a movie. He put his hands on me and did so so hard he removed part of the lingerie. He did so without a female present and without a warrant. He has, the three times I dared to leave, found me in Bertram and just sat in his police car and stared at me. I am scared, but I will win. He took my service dogs and roughly handled them, threatening to throw them into a bedroom behind a door, They were merely doing their jobs and defending me from someone they knew meant me harm. And trust me they can too. He has told others he will take them out. I say let him try with me, he will find me ready for the fight. But still I am afraid.

YET - I am now for the past two days dancing on the ballet bar for 30 minutes a day with a retired prima as a coach.
YET - I am now through tears that flow so fast, bending my body he injured and making it do my will not his.
YET - I am pushing on though it will take time I know, but come hell or high water, I shall dance the season in 2010
even if it is just the Spring one.
YET - His day of reckoning is coming. I am not mad, I am righteously angry.

I hope this changes no opinions of any of you that I hold so dear, all of you that I watch and count as friends. For this angel may be down but she is far from out and I shall be rising on wings of glory to leap on toe once again.

love
Katarina


"Walk daily as if it is the last day of your life, for we cannot discern what forces may color the sand that slips through the narrow path of the Glass of Hours Of Mistress Time. Will it be the almost pure white of a moment more promised, or will it be the blood red stain of life's precious flow set to be put into motion to ebb out of us? Who knows what steps either by foot placed, word, thought or deed will be the straw that causes the beat of the soul to shout out, 'I Give."

Seek for me not where the wild flowers grow,
Find me now where dried flowers lie against cold stone
Where the weeds have by thistle choked out the daisy's bright
Casting then upon the ground the most obscuring shadowing of night.
Linger with me in meadows of death's fragrance, find in me the intonation of a voice controlled by grief
No longer does the music of life, love, gaiety and promise play in unheard wondrous relief
But there is now being played on a harp the chords major of a A Vengeance Song urging
As the new theme music of that belonging to an Angel of the Shadows, once more of light, now

Becomes Once More a Stranger To Passion and True Love Forever Merged



[link] The Words and Song are His - He was The Wind
He still is - and blows through all dancers
That is how I do what I do
Like On the Deviant ID
Through Pain - I Dance!
With his Wind!
[link] To Patrick Swayze - Dance On Angel!
Another Version worth the time!

[link] OH we shall miss him in our world!
dance on , sing on, and one by one
those of us that besides ballet
dance swing, will eventually be
there - to honor you with
our fight!
[link] Bend me, make me, take me, teach me who I am
Shake me, feel me, with your hands reach me


[link] Then take me into the world of your
magic, so I can drown in your eyes
so dark, so deep, come on baby
dance with me like she
was here!
FOR VIC - [link]

For you baby Ricci and I will always swing to this song. I love you my sister.
Take Salsa and Swing to Heaven and wait for us!
We are about to start for the Spring Show!
For you our love - we miss you!
How could we not start with this song!



[link]
[link]
I just had to add this from "FlashDance" cause it was filmed all in Pittsburgh, PA

Where our troupe is from and me too! It is an incredible city!

love,
katti
Credit to Espitito:

Frightened by a dream, you're not the only one
Running like the wind, thoughts can come undone
Dancing behind masks, just sort of pantomime
But images reveal whatever lonely hearts can hide

Lady, lady, lady, lady, don't walk this lonely avenue
Lady, lady, lady, lady, let me touch that part of you, you want me to

Lady, lady, lady, lady, I know it's in your heart to stay
Lady, lady, lady, lady, when will I ever hear you say, I love you

Time like silent stares, with no apology
Move towards the stars, and be my only one
Reach into the light, and feel love's gravity
That pulls you to my side, where you should always be

Lady, lady, lady, lady, don't walk this lonely avenue
Lady, lady, lady, lady, let me touch that part of you, you want me to


Lady, lady, lady, lady, I know it's in your heart to stay
Lady, lady, lady, lady... [to fade]





"Fanny, what if we walk into a saloon and see you hanging on the wall!"
"I doubt seriously I would ever get that drunk!"
Qoute from Mr. Skeffington - Bette Davis, Claude Rains, - quote from one of her admirers to her character







"Walk daily as if it is the last day of your life, for we cannot discern what forces may color the sand that slips through the narrow path of the Glass of Hours Of Mistress Time. Will it be the almost pure white of a moment more promised, or will it be the blood red stain of life's precious flow set to be put into motion to ebb out of us? Who knows what steps either by foot placed, word, thought or deed will be the straw that causes the beat of the soul to shout out, 'I Give."